Grief Is Grief, No Matter How Famous You Are

Hey beautiful humans! The words inside my head are screaming to be let out. After watching the onslaught of ridiculous posts regarding the attention that Kobe Bryant’s death was getting via social media, I just have to speak out. Sometimes it feels that social media gives people a voice to say things that frankly, feel cold. I get that it’s a space to share and be unapologetically yourself but I can tell you, sometimes the voice that is used sounds insensitive. I think that there is a way to be honest while also being kind. Maybe you don’t care but in my opinion, grief is grief, no matter how famous you are.

On Sunday, the news about the passing of Kobe Bryant, his daughter and seven other people who were on the helicopter that crashed in Southern California was rampant. It was on every social media platform, on every station – it was everywhere. I honestly got the news via a weather app on my phone which was really bizarre.  This was a tragedy. Lives were lost. Families were forever changed in an instant. Here’s the thing, I am not a huge sports fan but I know who Kobe was. I’ve been in LA when the Lakers were in the playoffs and I have felt the infectious energy that comes with a local team making it so far. To many, they lost their hero.

When Death Is Relatable

He was 41-years-old. Younger than me. Actually, Kobe was born the same year as my younger sister. Losing her would gut me. Literally. He and his wife had been married for almost 19 years, that’s the same amount of time that I have been married to my husband. These things alone made my heart hurt because they made the loss so relatable. As an empath, I feel things HARD.

Death happens every day. That was a lot of what I saw being shared on Facebook. Why is this any different? People die all the time. Why is a celebrity more important? Soldiers die every day. People die in car accidents every day. Let me tell you how I felt when I head about first Kobe, then Gianna and then the other people on that helicopter. My initial thought was oh my god, his poor wife and kids. Then once I heard his daughter was on the plane, I went into full mom mode. His wife lost her husband and daughter ON THE SAME DAY! She had to tell her other daughters that their dad and sister were not coming home. Ever. Three young kids lost their mom. A brother and sister lost their parents and their sister. Just like that, families changed forever. The fact that they are famous, doesn’t change that!

Celebrities have a platform. They are known for whatever their talent is. Maybe they are a superstar in the world of sports like Kobe, maybe they are a hilarious comedian like Robin Williams or a beloved singer like Prince. All of these celebrities died much too young. Yes, being a celebrity makes you known. Yes, it garners more attention but why does that ever need to turn into a debate on who deserves what kind of attention after they’ve passed?

Seven other people died that day. They are no less important. The assistant coach that left behind 3 young daughters, the baseball coach who perished with his daughter and wife, a mom and her daughter, and a skilled pilot. All gone too soon. All desperately missed by their loved ones. The noncelebrities who perished didn’t get as much attention. Is this Kobe’s fault? Should he be ridiculed because of how he impacted others? Why is it so bad that his loss has made headlines? Why does it offend people so much so see an outpouring of love for someone who actually was a pretty big freaking deal? Well, I’m here to tell you that some people couldn’t wrap their heads around it. They were pissed off. I saw it and honestly, the way that some people shared their disgust for this had me clicking unfollow and unfriend. I can’t do mean. It just doesn’t work for me. It gives me all the inside icky feelings and life is too short to tolerate that kind of behavior if I have a choice.

I saw posts questioning why people would honor the death of an alleged rapist? Yes, really. This supposed sexual assault charge was dropped and Kobe did say he was unfaithful to his wife and it was consensual. Guess what? Almost 19 years of marriage later, they were still together and worked it out. This event occurred in 2003. He wasn’t found guilty. Also, at this point, a lot has happened. Kobe moved on from the supposed incident and he worked hard to be a role model and mentor kids. Let’s move on from the media frenzy from seventeen years ago, shall we?

Someone else on social media actually compared this to the loss of soldiers and how they wouldn’t be left with “$500 million dollars for their families survival” like Kobe’s family. Are you freaking kidding me? Because money outshines grief? I just can’t even wrap my head around that kind of ignorance. I have watched two friends become widows. They’d do anything to have their spouse and father of their boys back. Money doesn’t take away the pain or loss.

Let’s Have Empathy, Shall We?

You can tell me any story of someone who has died and I will have compassion. Tell me about the soldiers, the accidents, illness – I am here to love on anyone who has or is suffering. Not because they are famous but because I hurt when I see others hurt. Because I imagine myself in their shoes and it makes me ache for them. I know loss. Grief is ugly and it doesn’t discriminate. For Vanessa Bryant, it’s probably even harder in a weird way because her loss is so public. Everyone is talking about it, it’s being covered in every media outlet, and even though he was loved by many, he had haters too. She won’t be able to escape his loss nor will her children.

I follow people on Instagram who are sick. I follow people who’ve lost a child or husband. I cry for them. Why? Because feeling any sense of irritation for someone else suffering is just plain ugly. Any of our lives can change in an instant and that is absolutely terrifying to think of a loss that can change every single thing that you know in a matter of minutes. People are people, no matter their social status. Behind every person who passes is someone left here on earth who is grieving over a person they will never see again.

So here’s the thing, you can express yourself and use your own social media as a platform but remember this, death is ugly. It’s swift and you can’t go back. So instead of feeling the irritation that Kobe is getting more attention than a soldier or someone who died of cancer, maybe use your platform to share the passing of those who mean a lot to you. Make kindness your mantra.

Social Media Is So Noisy

I’m making an effort to lessen the noise. Social media honestly feels so toxic at times. Stay tuned for a post on that coming soon and with it, a challenge on cutting the tech clutter. I think social media can be a wonderful thing and I have made some sweet connections via my social media platforms but there is a lot of ugly and disconnect too as people get so used to hiding behind a screen and honestly, it becomes easy to say the worst of things when you aren’t totally accountable. I think that often times, we wouldn’t say the same things in person as we’d say via our tech devices. Although, there are plenty of people who really don’t give a shit and say whatever BUT I choose to separate myself from the meanies of the world. As you all know, kindness is my jam.

I know this was a bit of a rant but it was heavy on my heart and I just had to share. I know we are all free to say what we want as we are all our own people with our own voices but I see a lack of compassion and it hurts my heart. I hope you can find some peace in your heart and lift one another up in love. Remember, sometimes it takes cutting that negativity. We aren’t all meant to be friends so find your people. The ones who fill your cup and don’t leave you feeling emotionally depleted.