Shut It Down

Hey there! As a writer, I am constantly thinking of topics that I’d love to write about. The downside? Most things come to me while I am in bed at night or driving. It’s hard to get it out during those moments. So I had this whole thing in my head last night as I was trying to fall asleep and now I am hoping to recreate it all. Which is a hilarious statement cause if you were in my head, you’d know what a big undertaking that might be.

We got rid of cable a couple of months ago, which means I learned to navigate the world of Netflix and Hulu. I decided that binge-watching TV is addictive and also therapeutic when you need some laughs. I blew through the New Girl series and there was an episode where Jess taught a class on sexual harassment. It was her message that I have on repeat these, days: SHUT IT DOWN! If you want to laugh a little, you can find the clip of the episode here. Shut it down is where I’m standing these days. I’ve got no time for negativity.

As I’ve previously shared, we are in a hard season on the home front. We are working through it but it’s been so emotional and an uphill battle. You guys, my husband and I are working our asses off as parents. We are taking the steps, seeing the counselors, trying to lift our son up. Sometimes these things aren’t enough but that certainly doesn’t mean that we have failed as parents. It simply means that we might need some extra help. But know this, we don’t for a second question that we are doing our best.

Are you thinking, “wow, she’s pretty confident.”? Well, I am when it comes to certain things in life. Don’t get me wrong, I make mistakes and I am far from perfect but when it comes to being a mom, I know I am doing my best. I think most of us are. I also think that each of us has our own story and that our people are all so individual. Parenting is not a one size fits all type of thing. WE do what’s best for OUR household.

I am fiercely passionate about building others up. I feel that we are all on our own islands at times with our own current life situations. Somedays that island might be serving mai tais and other days you might feel like you are living a scene from Castaway. This is life, it’s full of ebbs and flows. I recently started a community on Facebook for Parenting Teens. I felt this pull to start a space for parents who might be struggling in this season like I am. I love the energy that comes from the people in the group. There are connections as well as some giggles. That to me is the good stuff!

I’ve learned a few things lately. Keep in mind that I am admittedly a major work in progress, especially when it comes to checking my emotions. I admittedly suck at that. I run on emotion overload most days and I am trying to be more mindful of my reactions as well as letting things roll off of me. I have learned that when put things out there, you will get the negative feedback. Sometimes that feedback feels ok. It makes you see a different perspective. Perspective in a kind way is totally ok. Perspective can also make people act judgy and vocal in a non-productive way.

Last week, a ‘friend’ actually told me that she didn’t like what I shared on social media and that I should be working on my relationship with my son. Her tone was sweet but her message felt like an offensive sucker punch and it’s sat ugly with me all week. I was hurt that she felt the need to argue with me over my choices and assumed that I am not working my ass off to build a relationship with my kid. It was damaging and honestly, I don’t need that in my life right now.

I also recently heard that another ‘friend’ is talking behind my back about my lack of parenting. You guys! What the hell? I mean I know it happens and usually, this comes from the insecurity of the person sending the message but jeez, it’s not cool. Friends should never ever make you feel like shit. Ever. There is a way to voice concerns or maybe even offer advice but people, think about the delivery cause sometimes that can be so damaging. That being said, people that make you feel ugly on the inside with their insensitive comments and gossip are not real friends.

Gossip is an ugly thing and honestly, what someone is talking about shows so much more about their character than it does about who they are talking about. Judging others based on your negative opinion is not loving. It’s mean. There is so much negativity in the world and I for one, don’t have the energy. If you don’t fill my cup, that is ok because plenty of people do. I know that I need to develop a thick skin because I put myself out there but I also want to keep spreading the message that love is a powerful thing. I think that we should spend our energy lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down.

Here is the way I see things, people put themselves out there on social media. You can make the judgments, assumptions and create your own narrative and then spread your opinion like wildfire, which basically makes you an asshole OR you can see that someone is sharing their truth and lift them up when they are feeling pretty down. I’ve come to a point in my life where if something doesn’t make me feel good, I walk away. I have plenty of woman (and men) who make me feel loved. I don’t need the negativity in my life. It’s a hard journey. To those of you who are full of love and lift others up, you are my people and I am grateful for you! Keep shining your bright lights and know that I am here for you.