One Size Does NOT Fit All

Hey beautiful humans! It’s a beautiful sunny day here in my little town. I got outside for a long walk with a friend, my hubby is working for the weekend and my teenagers are off doing their thing. Could I stay home and clean the house? Sure. Do I want to? Nope. So I popped into one of my favorite local restaurants for some lunch and blog time. I am not as motivated to get work done at home. Does anyone else feel that way? Little funky coffee shops and restaurants are my jam. The energy makes me feel alive and inspired. Plus I am a sucker for good coffee + food. On my way here, I was thinking about how one size does not fit all. This thought actually pops into my head quite often.

One Size Does Not Fit All

Repeat after me, one size does not fit all. In clothes, in personalities, in temperament, in how we respond or react. This is part of the beauty of being a beautiful human. We are all who WE are. Not who others want us to be. Now, don’t get me wrong, sometimes we aren’t a fan of other humans or their opinions. We don’t like what they do or don’t bring to the table. We are annoyed by their opinions if they don’t match ours. We judge their imperfections. Yes, I am just as guilty as this (says the girl who is on a social media sabbatical because the opinions of others exhausted her). But here is the thing, you can either walk away from those who’s personalities are just too much (which is totally fine) or embrace them.

Walking To Listen

Why yes, this is the book that I just read and I loved it (affiliate link here if you are interested). The premise of the story was that Andrew, fresh out of college was seeking meaning in his life so he took off to explore the world, by foot, with a sign that said, walking to listen. And that is exactly what he did!

Here’s the thing, I walk every day. It’s my free therapy and you will know if I miss a walk cause I turn into a grumpy mama beast. Often times I walk alone but sometimes I walk with friends. I am happy to do both. My alone time results in the listening of podcasts which inspire me. My time with friends inspire me in a different way. It allows for a bit of self-reflection and therapy. I love the back and forth conversations. The perspectives and point of view. Sometimes the way I think is turned around by the viewpoint of a friend. I think this is a beautiful exchange and such a nice way to communicate.

We Talk More Than We Listen

Houston, we have a problem! So many of us are so consumed by what we think the way things should be. It definitely has become so obvious in the world of media. We believe what we want based on what we hear. All of us have a different interpretation of the same story. We assume what is true and what is false. We are all creating our own narratives. Perhaps based on what we want a story to be. When we feel strongly about something, we blast it via social media platforms. The tone is lost. Or assumed. We are so strong in our convictions that it is hard to understand that others may think differently and that is actually ok.

Just Do You

It seems that this is a really big thing in parenting. A lot of parents are living vicariously through their kids. They have really high expectations and a lot of head-scratching when their kid(s) aren’t meeting their expectations. This is where this blog topic really came about.

I started thinking about how my kids are so different. In every way. I scratch my head at certain behaviors and actions. I have said more than once, I don’t get it, that’s not what I would have done. Duh. They aren’t me and I am not them. Why would I continuously try to make them like me? There is beauty in individuality. Isn’t this also something that we are trying to make our kids be as well? Their own amazing person? It’s all a bit confusing, isn’t it? We want them to do what we want yet we encourage them to be unique.

Everything Is Subject To Change

Interpretation is an interesting thing. When we decided to pull our son from a residential treatment facility early, we received a letter from the owner. Mind you, it was a canned letter that was likely sent to many others before us but one of the lines read by pulling Ben early, you are showing him that finishing is not important. I was actually pretty annoyed by the wording of this message because we felt that we had gotten what we had wanted from the program when we decided to send him away. We also felt that there were several things within the program that weren’t working for us or our son.

In our eyes, we were doing what was best for our family. There were lapses in the communication of the program that left us scratching our heads. We also felt that what we sent Ben for and the changes we saw in him had met our personal expectations. We are not a family who believes in quitting but we do believe in changing course if and when our guts tell us to.

My point in this is that you should do what works best for you and your people regardless of opinions because let’s say it together, friends, If you are not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I am not interested in your feedback. That quote by Brené Brown is one of my constant go-to’s these days.

Simmer Down On Your Expectations Of Others

As a friend told me the other day (by the way, who needs therapy when you have girlfriends?), I don’t care what other people say. I heard the same message voiced differently this morning from another friend. She said it’s not about you. Damn. I hear you girls, I hear you! So maybe if we pause before we react. If we don’t take it all so personally and somehow try to honor that other people don’t think the same as us, the world will be a better place. On this subject, kindness is universal and in my personal opinion, being mean is a no go for me. It’s non-negotiable. The beauty in this is that no one is holding me down and making me like them and vice versa.

It’s So Hard Being A Kid Today

My mindset has shifted greatly as far as judgment. As a mom with ‘that kid’ in the eyes of outsiders, I am super sensitive to the judgment of others. I should also preface that my hard kid is not so hard these days. He is a happier and healthier version of himself. He is thriving and our home is peaceful. Woo hoo! That being said, we have been through a lot. He is still dealing with past indiscretions and negative nellies who create false stories. These stories paint an unfair picture of a kid who was struggling but is now thriving. Rising above that noise is hard. That kind of noise is not new but it sure has gotten louder. Thank you #socialmedia

I see this in a lot of conversations. The assumptions, the stories, the gossip. Here’s the thing, if you don’t know you don’t know. If it isn’t your story first hand, if it’s not happening in your arena, if you aren’t personally living it – then you don’t know. Period. You can judge, give advice and think you’d do it differently – but it’s not your story. To assume how someone should deal, feal, punish, react, etc. is not up to you. One size doesn’t fit all. Telling me how to do something is like me, a size medium, trying to squeeze into your extra small shirt. It won’t work.

One size doesn’t fit all. I see this in my own home every single day. I parent my kids differently. They require different rules and levels of discipline. I am trying hard to have conversations instead of reacting with punishment. How can we coexist? I recently heard of another kid struggling. I reacted a bit differently than I would have in the past. I felt more compassion and wanted to help build this kid up.

We Aren’t The Sum Of Our Actions  

Sometimes we slip up. We make a choice that defines us if even for a while. We are all capable of owning our mistakes and moving forward. I actually had this exact conversation with a teenager recently. She apologized for how a few things were handled and said that she knew she couldn’t change the past but she could make better choices going forward. I have a lot of respect for honesty and accountability.

It’s easy to make a wrong turn in the highway of life and then you end up on some crappy detour and that becomes life. Well, it doesn’t have to be. Maybe you got a flat tire on your detour. Maybe you ran out of gas. Guess what? Those are fixable things! Just work on the repairs and filling up your tank then get back on the highway going the opposite direction of where you were headed. That is the beauty of life. It has plenty of room to reinvent yourself or as I often like to say, PIVOT!

Brené Brown Is My Spirit Animal

I love me some Brené Brown and this particular quote felt so appropriate for this post since I leaned a bit more into discussing kids and parenting. “Raising children who are hopeful and who have the courage to be vulnerable means stepping back and letting them experience disappointment, deal with conflict, learn how to assert themselves, and have the opportunity to fail. If we’re always following our children into the arena, hushing the critics, and assuring their victory, they’ll never learn that they have the ability to dare greatly on their own.”

Embrace The Differences

So let’s come together and applaud the differences. Let’s lift each other up. Let’s not try to fit a square peg in a round hole. Let’s have conversations. Let’s listen more and talk less. Let’s try to understand instead of trying to be understood. Let’s use our light to fill up others when their light seems dim. Embrace the differences. Walk away from what doesn’t fill your cup. Offer to help fill the cups of others.