Authenticity

Hey friends! So I’m feeling extra well, feely these days. Sometimes that means that it’s time for a good purge via blogging. Over the past few days, I have been chatting with a few old friends about life stuff. Well, it started out as a conversation about our passions and outlets but it morphed into life discussions and such. Sometimes the best part of putting yourself out there is instantly feeling like you are actually not alone and that others get ‘it’ whatever that might be. Sometimes we feel like our crap is something that only we deal with. Although we all have our own individual stories and issues, it’s quite possible that someone else is dealing with something similar and can relate or even be a great outlet. Sometimes, when I talk stuff out, it helps me decide if it’s truly worth the energy or emotion.

*this post may contain affiliate links for things I think are share worthy 

I’ve been feeling off for almost a year now. For the record, I have always been an overthinker and overreactor. Admittedly. I exhaust myself and I know I am a handful for some of those closest to me as well. #sorrytomypeople I’ve been feeling lots of anxiety, a lack of coping skills and even some mild depression. What contributes to this? L I F E. For real. It’s not going to change so I just need to get a grip ya’ll. I’ve got a couple of plans in the works. I try and get out for daily walks which is awesome. The dog agrees since he’s my daily walking partner. I am downloading a few meditation apps on my phone and I’ll be headed back to yoga. Confession: I’m lazy. Dragging my butt to a 75-minute yoga class isn’t high on my list of priorities BUT I do know that I will feel better after. Cultivating and keeping good habits is also a tough one but it’s pretty much mandatory to feel like your best version of you, right?

So why am I titling this post authenticity? Because I think being authentic is relatable. Me sharing my crap makes you feel like you can share your crap and all of a sudden, we are real people sharing our real lives instead of all of the perfectly curated stuff that we tend to see on so many social media feeds. Don’t get me wrong, I follow that stuff too but I am really pulled into the real life stuff. The nitty-gritty. The relatable. Tell me your story and I am hooked. Truly.

I was texting with a friend earlier about ‘adulting’. Things take work. Marriage and parenting are jobs, my friends!! One of the biggest reality checks for me in this season of life is parenting. My oldest is an awesome kid but he’s also the ultimate teen. Teens tend to be a bit self-centered. It’s so hard to not take things personally as a mama. I bounce between being completely hurt to letting it roll. I’d like to hang out more on the let it roll side. It’s less stressful. Trying to explain to someone that you love them and think they are capable of more is really hard when said kid doesn’t hear you and thinks they should be in charge of all of their choices. #nope Not at 15.5! So that’s kinda my #1 angst these days. Raise em up and hope they turn a corner, mature some and become the awesome person that you know they can be. Without hurting themselves in the process. The teen years are full of impulse. That’s terrifying. Another friend had a motto for her daughter while getting through the teen years. It was, “Don’t get dead”. It’s heavy but oh so accurate. By the way – her daughter DID get through as did she. Whew! I need these stories. I need to hear from the parents that came through on the other side. I need to hear that their kids switched gears eventually. It gives me hope and pulls me out of the freak-out, “why is this happening to me?”, headspace.

My husband and I just got off the phone. We were talking about parenting and stress. The level of stress that comes with managing things like technology at the fingertips of our kids and teens is pretty freaking high. Recently, a doctor told my husband about something called digital dementia. Basically, it’s what’s happening to our brains from the overuse of technology. We are on all the time. My kids have Chromebooks, iPhones and game stations. They want to be on something at all times. It’s getting old folks. Trying to change course is going to be a nightmare but it feels so necessary. A friend mentioned that it’s hard to do a u-turn in parenting. What a great way to say it, right? You sometimes have the insight after the fact of how you coulda shoulda done something. I just can’t shake the idea of how much depression and anxiety has grown in our generation of kids. What else has changed so drastically? Technology. Yep. See the correlation? On one hand, it’s pretty awesome and has allowed us so much but on the other hand, it’s so damaging. Especially when it gets into hands of kids who are not mature enough to navigate it. Hell, sometimes as adults, we aren’t mature enough to handle it.

Know what else is hard? Being a Type A person and feeling like you have zero control. Yeah, that sucks. Like really, really, really sucks. This past weekend we went to San Diego for a super fun couples getaway. Us and 20 of our closest friends went to celebrate 2 of our sweet friends turning 40. It was so much fun but confession? I got upset with my hubby a couple of times. He made a comment to me that I go from zero to sixty so fast. Now, while I am sticking to my guns as to why I was mad – I can say that he is right about how quickly I get THAT mad. It’s an issue. Not only does it put me in this instant state of, “Oh God, did I just create a migraine from letting myself stress THAT hard?”, it’s also a buzzkill. I feel like someone needs to taser me and tell me to chill the f*ck out. Please don’t really taser me. That would hurt. 😉  Speaking of which, I’ve been reading self-help books cause I always find little nuggets of wisdom that I can stick in my pocket. I just finished reading, The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck. I might need to read it again. And again. I also read through Heal Your Headache which was quite interesting for this lifelong headache sufferer. Often times, my headaches come from stress which is usually caused by anxiety and hormones. Per the book, I also might have a low threshold and high triggers. That is a bad combo my friends.

Speaking of hormones, can I just say ew? I mean having periods, growing babies, dealing with breakouts, etc aren’t enough but then we have to go through the perimenopause stage BEFORE the actual menopause stage? #nothankyou Things have shifted in this arena for me and I feel straight up crazy on the inside which them comes out of my mouth and into the outside. #againsorrytomypeeps I know there are tools to manage my crazy I mean, emotions. I actually started reading The Hormone Cure. Are you sensing a theme here? I read to empower myself or maybe to look for some tips to get through all the things.

This morning I decided to run away from home. Well, technically I’m being a bit dramatic. I ran out of coffee and had to leave to get my morning fix. So I decided to turn it into a full-blown solo breakfast date at my local Bella Bru. Coffee + eggs coming right up. With a side of toast cause you know, carbs are part happiness. I am currently all.over.the.place. I am working on a creating a blog for my boss. So far, I have hit a major roadblock and it has me all crazy. I need to find my zen and motivation. I’d like those two things wrapped up as a package deal, please.

Wanna know something else? When I feel all nutso on the inside, I feel like being creative on the outside. Sometimes this comes in the form of organizing, sometimes it’s a DIY project in my home, sometimes it’s blogging. Another thing that helps me feel better is talking it out. I love chatting with friends. Venting, brainstorming, laughing and sometimes even crying. It’s the cheapest therapy I know of. Sometimes I add a cocktail to that equation.

So here is the deal friends, life is tough but YOU are tougher! I know there are so many awesome quotes, to sum up life and all the ups + downs. It is true, you have to live the hard things to really feel the good stuff. If it were all sunshine and rainbows, it would be boring, right? This is what I keep telling myself at least.

This week I have actually thought about getting a tattoo. Yeah, at 44 I am thinking about getting my first tattoo. I want it to say B R E A T H E and I’d like it on my wrist. As a constant reminder to slow down and just breathe through the crap. I’m afraid of needles though. So this may or may not happen. BUT I am seriously considering it. Perhaps it’s my version of a midlife crisis. 😉

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So this post is to remind you that

• you are not alone
• you’ve got this
• you deserve  joy
• you can choose happy
• you can let it go
• you must breathe

And if all else fails – run away. Go for a walk, take a yoga class, call a friend, have a glass of wine. You CAN and WILL get through it all. I have to remind myself of this on the daily. We are all a work in progress and we have to give yourself and others grace. You are A W E S O M E!!! Remember that.