Lions, Tigers, Bears and Anxiety, Oh My!

Well hello and happy December! Can you believe that we are 1/2 way through the month and that Christmas is literally just around the corner. I’m almost done Christmas shopping. Kind of 😉 Teenagers have different requests which usually means less gifts but more money. Interesting how ages and stages change things up. How’s your December shaping up?  Are you an early shopper or a last minute type of person?

The last 6 week’s have been interesting. I’ve had an ear issue. Supposed infection but no pain. I can’t hear super well on my left side. Annoying? Yes. Very. One round of antibiotics and two rounds of drop. I had a follow up with the specialist and we’ve determined that all looks well so it might just be an Eustachian tube issue and will hopefully resolve itself. I also had Covid. I tested positive 5 weeks ago and it hung on for 3 weeks. Some chills, some fever, lots of congestion and some major fatigue. It also did a number on me emotionally.

I’ve had a lot of self-talks during this time and I’ve felt a lot of feelings. I’ve also watched a lot of TV cause that’s what you do when your body feels like it doesn’t want to move. Some people say that Covid fatigue is like having Mono which I have never had so I can’t really compare the two. To me, it felt a lot like when I was pregnant and my body was just physically tired and I didn’t have the energy to do much. One of the things that I watched was the classic, The Wizard of Oz.

It’s a beloved movie from my childhood although I’ve heard it was a bit traumatic behind the scenes. Hard to imagine with all of the magic on the screen. If you are interested, I’ve found some information on that here. Anyway, back on topic. When Dorothy and her gang chant lions, tigers and bears, oh my it sticks in my head. I started having some really bad anxiety at the tail end of my Covid run. Like, borderline panic attack type of anxiety. I went to the doctor and got meds. They didn’t help. I tried CBD + THC gummies. Nothing. I tried meditation. It worked while I was doing it but meditating 24/7 wasn’t an achievable goal. I had really backed off of my daily walks cause Covid was basically telling me to sit down. So that’s what I did. I listened to my body so that I could get well.

Now, back to anxiety. It’s more situational for me but it’s awful when it gets triggered. I literally feel like I can’t catch a full breath and that starts to feel a bit scary. Hence the term, panic attack. My vitals proved to be fine and although it felt exhausting and brought me to tears, it didn’t seem to be causing physical harm.

A friend described having Covid as feeling defeated. That’s an accurate word. If you are in the vaccine camp and get it, you wonder if it could have been much worse. You also see and hear the onslaught of opinions and you might feel a little annoyed cause if you haven’t had it or it didn’t really impact you, that’s your story but it might not be the same for the person next to you. It might have been a lot scarier.

So the anxiety is dissipating which I am so extremely grateful for. I am feeling more normal than I have felt in almost 6 weeks. Woo hoo! If you know, you know. When that cloud lifts, it’s glorious. I’ve hunkered down quite a bit and while that has been frustrating at times as I was craving normalcy, it also felt okay. Here’s what I’ve learned in the hardest of seasons, do what feels best for you. For me, that usually means tapping out and slowing down.

I also feel like as I get older, I am less tolerant and needy of certain things and behaviors. I don’t have space for toxicity. I say this as I embark on some changes. I’ve been going through some emotional shifts and feeling like there is something bigger I’m supposed to do. Yes, that will unfold as I work through some things. I’ve been so inspired by some local business owners and their grab the bull by the horns attitude. Let’s just say that multi-passionate is how I happily describe myself.

I’ve always known that I am a multi-passionate person. I think I have felt like I need to do or be one thing. Says who? I can do whatever I want even if that involves multiple passions. Who’s the boss of me? ME!! I’m my own boss and I can do whatever I want to do with my life. I have a couple of requirements in this process of exploring my true self. Be authentic to who I am and be kind.

In my go to TV binge of Friends, Phoebe tells Monica that she is all, “chaotic and twirly, but not in a good way”. That’s how I’ve been feeling lately and want to change the ending to that statement. I want to shift my chaotic energy to more of a harmonized energy. So changes are a coming. I will continue on my daily path of finding joy in all the things. If it doesn’t evoke joy, I’ll keep looking cause it’s everywhere. Joy is in the nooks + crannies of life.

So, this week I am flipping the The Wizard of Oz narrative and going from the lions, tigers and bears to somewhere over the rainbow. It feels a little more upbeat, don’t you think? I sure do hope that you are finding rainbows amidst the storms. Life is short and it sure does go by pretty fast,