Behind Closed Doors

Hey there! Behind closed doors, that sounded like a sexy lure, didn’t it? It wasn’t. Sorry to disappoint or scare you! I’ve been hiding. Hiding on my couch with a marathon of New Girl. Why? Because the stress became too much and I had to check out. I am starting to check back in but it’s requiring some effort on my end. Major effort. I have come to the realization that I’ve been sitting in some situational depression. Yes, it’s a thing. I have had a bit of a fog over my head for the last 21 months due to some extra hard things in the world of parenting. As I have mentioned before, I don’t just have a hard teen, I have an extra extra hard teen. I really have two teens but so far, one is the shining star as far as challenges. He’s basically winning the academy award for the leading role in difficult teens. Ha! I have all of my fingers and toes crossed that the youngest won’t add as many grey hairs to my head.

What does situational depression look like? Situational depression is a short-term condition that occurs when a person is unable to cope with, or adjust to, a particular source of stress, such as a major life change, loss or event. If any of you have felt this, I feel for ya! Anxiety and depression are no joke and I definitely recommend seeking out professional help if you can’t get a handle on it. There are options and sometimes those require some extra help from outside sources. Never be afraid to seek help.

Anyway, I should preface that my hard kid is incredibly smart, super handsome and has the ability to do amazing things. He just needs a bit of redirection and a dash of maturity. My fingers are crossed that we are starting our climb up towards better things. Our jobs as parents are to help them see their potential, to let them learn from their consequences and to love them unconditionally. Check, check and check. We should also NOT take things personally. I suck at that part. I run on this thing called being overly sensitive and uber emotional. I attribute part of that to the mid-forties hormones. So I tend to FREAK OUT and then I calm down. It’s not always a pretty scene but mostly, it comes from a place of love. I love my people hard. I want to make everything better and when I feel out of control, I react to that. This article on highly sensitive people checks a lot of boxes for me. People label me as an extrovert but I need a lot of downtime by myself. I pull towards one person in a crowd and honestly, I love one on one dates. Meeting a friend for coffee or a super long breakfast date and connecting is the best.

So why did I choose this title for this post? Because I know that so many of us have struggles. It’s easy to assume we know what someone’s life is like by how they act or how they present themselves on social media but in reality, many of us don’t share the hard stuff. Why? Because it’s too private, or we are private, or it’s too much to share, or we fear judgment. There are so many reasons why but it really doesn’t matter. What we do behind closed doors really isn’t anyone’s business unless it is actually harming someone. We all have our stories, our struggles, our ‘stuff’. So what I am saying is be careful how you judge. Don’t throw stones, ya know? I know we all have opinions. We criticize or analyze how we’d handle someone else’s situation but why? We don’t live their story. We also may not have all the pieces to their puzzle.

What I have learned since I have become so transparent? I’ve learned that many parents are struggling. Many stories have been shared with me from parents who are also in a hard season. I am honored that friends have opened up. I am willing to listen and love. Why? Because sometimes our stories make us feel alone and when we talk about things, we feel less alone. I have also learned that so many people have stuff. People I assumed were living a pretty easy life but in reality, this is life. It’s full of the hard. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a Debbie Downer and I am a pretty grateful person for the life I lead. I believe that my cup is half-full. Although, sometimes certain situations leave us feeling a little desperate for peace.

Why do I blast my feelings to anyone who will listen? For a few reasons.

1. It’s how I process and cope
2. it’s cathartic to talk it out
3. I’m a writer
4. I want others to know that they are not alone
5. I love helping others with things that I have learned

What I am not looking for.

1. Pity
2. Someone telling me what I should do. I am open to a discussion with ideas but straight up telling me in a way that suggests I’m not trying my best just shuts me down.

Why this post? Because I think we could all use a little reminder to step back and take a deep breath before we assume what is going on behind closed doors. Everyone has a hard season. Every.Single.Person. Some keep it close to them, others share it all and some share a little bit. However YOU need to get through it is ok. What I do know for me personally is that I have a beautiful tribe that is here for me. To love me, to support me, and to carry me through the hard times + laugh with me through the good. Is someone you know struggling? The best thing you can do is love them. Check in, let them know you are there for them and that you care. Love is a mighty powerful tool.