Social

Hey friends! This is my weekly one-word check-in/therapy session. Stick with me here, I might bounce around a bit 😉  I am writing what’s in my heart and on my mind. This week, the emotions are THICK. I have all of these things running through my head and one of the words I was thinking of using was friendship but I pivoted and decided on social as it seems more relevant today.

What is social? It’s connections. Both in person and online. I have great connections via both of these sources but the in-person ones are definitely more impactful. However, I have made new connections that I might not have found if it wasn’t for social media.

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REAL TALK

A few things about me:

• I am pretty transparent. I tend to overshare my life.
• When things in my life are messy but I am bouncing between protecting the heart and reputation of others, I feel secretive and weird. This is an uncomfortable space for me as I am not one who ‘fakes’ anything. I am an open book. Literally.
• When I am in this space as I have been more than I’d like to be over the past 1.5 years due to some parenting struggles,  I feel uncomfortable. Being in social circles {where I typically thrive} and being quiet because I don’t know how to be me without being transparent sucks.
• I am super emotional. I feel all.the.things and I share all.the.things. Living out loud is definitely my style.
• I am human and thus sensitive to things that others say or how the way in which things are said and therefore implied.

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REAL LIFE CONNECTIONS

Social is such an important part of all of our lives. No matter if you are an introvert or extrovert. We all have our people. Some of us have a person like Christina and Meredith in Grey’s Anatomy, some of us have a very small circle while others of us have several circles via different areas in our life. Having friends is so very important. I would literally crash and burn without my village.

I often times reference the little ‘nuggets’ that pop up in my life. These almost always happen within the connections I have made. Via a friend, my therapist {yes – I most certainly do have a therapist and it’s awesome!}, in my family, through a school official, a business mentor, a social influencer, maybe even through an article I read or quote that I see. Nuggets are life people. I have so many little takeaways and I keep these in my head and regurgitate them often. Like a mama bird feeding her baby birds. You are gonna eat my nuggets. OK, that was weird. You know what I’m saying 😉

Over the past week, we have moved my oldest to a new school. In my meeting to disenroll him, I met with a lady that has grown sons. She told me two things: you’re going to survive and surround yourself with good friends. There were some other takeaways as well. Thank you, new friend! I needed her words in this process and had no idea who she even was prior to walking through the door. So thank you Cathy. You helped turn my day around. #grateful

SOCIAL MEDIA

There is a part of the social word that is so very hard though. It’s the comparison part of social. The social media thing. It’s the likes and then the unlikes. It’s the negative comments. It’s comparing your beginning to someone else’s middle. It’s having the inner strength to NOT let all of the above take over your thoughts and leave you feeling insecure. Listen Linda, I am a pretty strong girl but I am human and super sensitive. When my numbers start dropping on my social media feed, I want to eat my nails off. I don’t like it! Overall, I am pretty level headed but I still get rattled by the effects of social media. The comments, the directness of people sitting behind a screen feeling like they can spout off all the things that they’d NEVER say to a person’s face. These things are rough.

SOCIAL MEDIA AND TEENS

Now, let’s talk about social media and kids. Oh boy. This is an ugly one and I feel a little powerless but I’m a work in progress. Aren’t we all? As a mom of teens, I am navigating this one daily. First of all, the times have changed in so many ways. This generation of kids really doesn’t know a time before iPhones and technology. They communicate via social media apps such as Snapchat, Instagram and House Party. Texting and actual phone calls are not the norm between kids. Especially in the high school setting. Now, as much as this is so weird, slightly annoying and hard to manage, it’s their world.

I can not claim to be an expert because I don’t monitor things as much as I should. It’s overwhelming and quite honestly, exhausting. There is constant ‘noise’ with the addition of technology and social media. It’s accessible at all times. It allows for so much more conflict as people can say whatever they want without having to process the consequences. It’s terrifying that kids with still-developing brains are using these ‘tools’ and most definitely lacking the maturity to make all the best choices when it comes to what they post or how to correctly interpret what they are seeing. The amount of information shared is overwhelming and so much of it is not age appropriate.

My biggest advice as the mom of teens boys, hold off for as long as you can on all things social media. I loathe Snapchat for how it’s used. Things ‘disappear’ once they are sent and that’s a pretty bad tool to give an impulsive teen. Instagram is also used so differently for kids. They mostly use the messaging portion of things and create secret accounts. I promise you this, most kids have two Instagram accounts. One that you might know of and another that is only shared between their peers. Once your kids have used social media, they become experts and learn to get into these apps even if you take their phones or computers. The less access and knowledge they have, the better off everyone will be. If you have the interest, here are a few articles that I found interesting.

GOOD READS

How Using Social Media Affects Teenagers

How Phones Ruin Concentration

Guidelines For Kids Of All Ages

Social Media Could Be Harming Your Teen’s Mental Health

Ten Reasons Why Teens Don’t Need Social Media

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ADVICE

A few other social tidbits and things I’ve learned:

• If you hear something about a friend’s struggles, reach out. You aren’t being nosey. You are offering support. I’ve been in this place. I send a simple, “Hey, just checking in on you. Let me know if you need anything”. This either opens the conversation and might be just what that person needs or at least lets them know they have the support should they need it.
• Don’t be a gossip. If you don’t know a story first hand, don’t fan the rumor mill fire.
• Be supportive. Sometimes things happen that are not in our control and we are broken because of it. Feeling compassion from others goes a long way.
• Think about the advice that you give. Is it helpful or are you insinuating that the person receiving said message isn’t trying their best? Trust me, this has happened a lot and although the intention might be good, what I hear is, “You obviously aren’t trying very hard to control things so you should try this.” Ouch.

It’s a tricky world that we live in. The act of being social is available on so many levels. Making connections is a powerful resource and really can offer so many positive things. It’s a matter of keeping up on some of the old school values and applying them via real life and social media. I’d say the biggest thing that comes to mind is, “Is it kind and is it necessary?” Think about it.

Thanks for reading my ramblings. I hope you picked up a few nuggets.